Still Going...

Hi there. I'm still alive. I haven't blogged for a looong time. Other things have taken up time in my life, and I didn't like how I was feeling like blogging was a chore. But here I am, with an almost nine month old baby girl (shall I call her Cave Baby II?) and my eldest about to start school!

Since I last blogged we've moved house and I've reached the latter stages of NCT breastfeeding counselling training. With any luck, I'll get the last few assignments done before Christmas and I'll be officially up and running by early next year. Maybe I'll write more about that some time... it might be useful for anyone considering NCT training. I thought I was already quite a complete, self-aware person, but the reflection and counselling skills training has taken me even deeper. I can step out of situations more now, and analyse more objectively why I react to things in the way I do.

So, another baby! I wrote a lot on this blog about my journey back to fertility. My periods restarted when Cave Baby I (now Cave Girl?) turned two. I had made no obvious change to our nursing habits. We immediately started trying to conceive, but after a couple of months I became frustrated at our lack of success. I seemed to have a short luteal phase and I took vitamin b6 and agnus castus (vitex) to improve it. There was no appreciable effect and I felt that my only option was to cut down on our still-frequent nursing sessions. I began by spacing sessions out to no more than four hourly. After another couple of months, I took what I considered to be the drastic step of cutting out all sessions other than morning and nap time and reducing sessions to 15 minutes. This might still sound like a lot of nursing to other people, but my daughter was a super keen breastfeeder! Even at two years old she would happily suck away for an hour in the morning. I am happy to say that the sudden drop in breast stimulation worked, and that very month I fell pregnant. I continued to breastfeed my eldest throughout the pregnancy despite my milk drying up by nine weeks (That was how keen Girl I was on feeding!). Nursing was annoying and a bit sore, but hey. I could take a bit of pain if it meant a quiet nap with my daughter in the afternoon :)

So fast forward nine months and my beautiful baby girl was born at home in a birthing pool with no complications. I tandem fed for three months but, by this time, I honestly felt that my eldest would be fine without it. Sleeping separately (me with newborn, Cave Father with eldest) had broken Girl I's association between feeding and sleep, and she had spontaneously dropped her naps when she had turned three. I felt like my breasts were becoming something of a battle ground, as a way for Girl I to assert her ownership over me. I was starting to resent her feeding and as a result I was finding the sensation of her suckling intolerable. There comes a time when it is in the interests of the family to draw breastfeeding to a close. Our time had come. She asked for the breast occasionally over the few days after I decided to wean, but was always satisfied with an explanation that it was time to stop. There were no tears - she truly had moved on emotionally from breastfeeding. At this time she needed my attention and love, and whilst feeding had been one way to meet these needs, other ways had become easier and more fulfilling for us both.

So here I am now, with an independently minded, highly spirited and still highly demanding almost-four year old and a sweet, smiley, relaxed baby. Who would have thought that the genomes that brought us Miss High Needs could have produced such a contrastingly pleasant second child?

One final thing - Cave Girl sleeps through the night. In her own bed. Yes, I know, it surprised me as well. Only after experiencing the joy of sleeping for most of the night with a "normal" baby can I appreciate how extraordinarily sleep deprived I was for my first 18 months of parenthood. I guess there's hope for us all.

Return of Menses

Several people have emailed me to chat about their own concerns regarding the return of postpartum menses, so I know it's something that lots of people are interested in. I'm pleased to report that my cycles have finally returned! My period started 2 years and 25 days after giving birth, and in future I shall treasure this time in amenorrhoea instead of worrying about it.

Did I ovulate? I don't take my temperatures, so I don't know for sure. But I know I had several days of fertile mucous and some serious mittelschmerz - the latter is something I had never experienced before. Thirteen days after the ovulation cramps subsided, I began to bleed, so I can only guess that I did ovulate.

Was my period any heavier/lighter/more painful than usual? I was expecting the worst but actually it has been very normal and perhaps slightly less painful than it used to be. I hope this is a taster for things to come!

What prompted my menses to resume? There doesn't seem to have been any change in Cave Baby's suckling habits. If anything, I would say she has been suckling more (particularly at night) in the last couple of months. Maybe her sessions are a bit shorter. I have been taking the herb agnus castus (usually called vitex in the US) for two months now. It is meant to stimulate hormone production and is generally purported to be a fertility wonder drug, so perhaps that has made the difference.

So when am I going to start trying to conceive another child? Cave Father and I need to have "the conversation". But I would like a 3 year age gap, so I think we'll start soon. Having said that, I really want to have a winter baby this time so it will not be the youngest in its school year like Cave Baby. Maybe I'll have to wait a bit longer. If I can. Aaah, baby lust.

Oh, and another thing. Cave Baby, the incredibly attached, booby-loving, tantrum-having sweetheart, went to sleep for her daddy when I went out for my first ever postpartum evening out! I wouldn't have predicted it. She's a clever little thing. It seems that when I'm around, boobie is all that will do, but she can actually get herself to sleep quite happily when boobie is unavailable. They know a thing or two, these babies.

Clearing My Throat.. Ahem.. It's Been a While

It's been a while. So what's going on? Well, I've been:

• Going on holiday


• Starting breastfeeding counselling training


• Reading tons of books on breastfeeding

Cave Baby is now two and she's starting to go to sleep without boobie! I thought it would never happen but suddenly, out of the blue, she sometimes prefers to unlatch, turn over and be shushed to sleep. Unbelievable, I know. It even makes me believe that one day she will self-wean. And that is hard to comprehend. She has even been sleeping through the night occasionally, though that hasn't happened for a few weeks since the latest molars started to make themselves known.

So what else? I've starting taking vitex agnus castus to stimulate my body to ovulate. I'm six weeks in and I finally have egg-white cervical mucous, so it might be working. It's time to admit now that I would really like to have another baby.

Oh, and I'm still sworn off shampoo. A bicarb wash every four days is quite sufficient at the moment. It makes me woder why I spent all that money on shampoo in the past.

So another summer has gone and the wheel of the year turns again. I'll try to catch up with some of the blogs I used to frequent, though breastfeeding counselling training comes first.

Happy autumn.

Ovulation, Delaying Nursing and Some Other Stuff

This post is going to go into a little more detail than you may be used to about something that we don't often talk about: cervical fluid. But it's also about breastfeeding and how I'm getting on with delaying my daughter's nursing, so it's not all icky. Don't worry.

I'm still period-free after almost 20 months of breastfeeding and whilst I'm not worried about it, I would quite like to get back into the old routine some time before I hit the menopause. According to Sheila Kippley, 8% of ecologically breastfeeding mothers (that is those who feed on demand night and day, co-sleep and do not use any artificial nipples) go for over 2 years postpartum without having a period. So I'm not alone.

But the thing is that if you are one of those people who have a long amenorrhea, your cycles tend to need a bit of a kick to get them started again. Basically your body gets in a really nice groove with the constant flow of ovulation-suppressing prolactin and even if your baby feeds a little less and the prolactin decreases slightly, you don't necessarily ovulate. La Leche League suggest kick-starting ovulation by making an abrupt change such as avoiding breastfeeding for 24 hours. This gives your ovaries a break from the prolactin released during breastfeeding and allows them to raise you oestrogen level high enough to trigger ovulation.

I'm not going to do the 24 hour break thing because it wouldn't be fair on my daughter. But my body has been giving me signs that it is trying to ovulate, so I am hoping that if I help it out a little I will be rewarded with a cycle. Cave Baby's night-time sleep has improved a lot recently and she often wakes just once in the night, so I am already nursing less than I was. A small reduction in daytime nursing might be all I need to get my oestrogen level over that threshold.

So how do I know that my body wants to ovulate? Your cervical fluid (the stuff that your cervix makes and which makes a white patch on your pants) can tell you a lot about what is going on in your body. In a normal cycle you start by having a period then your vagina is fairly dry for a few days. As you approach ovulation your ovaries produce oestrogen in increasing quantities. The oestrogen causes your cervix to produce fluid. Most people will first experience sticky whitish cervical fluid, then a couple of days later it will become more lotiony like hand cream. Finally, a day or two before ovulation, the cervix makes a clear, stretchy fluid that is perfect for sperm to swim through. It's your body's way of making your vagina a welcoming place for sperm so that you are more likely to get pregnant.

If you are experiencing a period of anovulation like me, your cervical fluid does not follow the usual pattern. In fact I currently have sticky or lotiony fluid all the time, and it is this that tells me that my oestrogen levels are quite high. Sometimes it even starts to get a bit stretchy like true fertile fluid, but then I am required to sit through a nursing marathon and the ovaries are squashed back down again. I am obviously making a lot of oestrogen, but just not quite enough to cause an egg to be released. By the way, I know what my cervical fluid is like because most days I wash my hands then use them to feel for my cervix and take a sample of the fluid surrounding it.

So without wishing to do anything drastic like weaning, I'm just seeing if delaying nursing sessions will make a difference to me. I read all the advice on my last post and I think it helped me see that everyone reaches a point where they want to adjust the nursing relationship a little bit to fit around their lives more comfortably. And I am not reducing the amount of nursing we do purely to help me regain my fertility; it is also about my convenience since the frequent feeds were starting to become a nuisance. So at present I am not offering the breast (though I never have done; my little girl has never needed reminding to feed!) and when she asks for it, I am routinely offering food and/or a drink and/or a distraction to see if the breastfeed can wait. It has struck me how ironic it is that in the early days I was concerned that my baby should feed only when she was hungry and not just for comfort, whereas now I am avoiding the hunger feeds and trying to restrict myself just to the comfort ones!

In my head, I am now playing the part of the ewe who starts to kick her lambs away occasionally when they want to feed but she would rather walk to a juicy new bit of grass instead. Placing restrictions on nursing seems to be a perfectly natural thing to do at this stage in the breastfeeding relationship. I will give it a month or two and see how things go. I am not going to be worried if I do not ovulate in the next few weeks because I know it will happen eventually (she says, keeping her fingers crossed).

Have you any experience of altering your nursing patterns so that your body can resume monthly cycles? Or have you used fertility awareness to help you avoid or achieve pregnancy?

PS If you are reading Liz, I have finally read Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I thank you for the recommendation.

When To Wait to Nurse

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we're writing letters to ask our readers for help with a current parenting issue. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

I have no hang ups about breastfeeding in public. I nurse my 19 month old anywhere and everywhere - indoors, outdoors, in shops, cafes, museums, parks, supermarkets or wherever we happen to be when she asks for a feed. But I must admit that I sometimes tire of my breasts being permanently available. It tends to happen on those velcro days when my daughter puts her hand down my bra every fifteen minutes.

I accept frequent feedings as part and parcel of the toddler nursing experience, and when we're at home I just put up with them. But I can get sick of them really quickly when we're out. Actually it's worst when we're at tots groups, and it is not because of embarrassment.

The thing is that the minute you get your breasts out to feed a toddler, you make it pretty obvious to everyone around that you are a fairly keen supporter of breastfeeding. I feel like a bit of a breastfeeding ambassador and the last thing I want to do is turn other mothers off breastfeeding because they think it will make their child needy like mine. In reality she is just a normal toddler, but we are not used to seeing children of her age nursing so any requests to nurse in public tend to be seen as over-demanding.

I was at just such a tots group recently and Cave Baby, having one of her velcro days, was on and off my boobs every few minutes. I was feeling a bit annoyed about this, but not so much that I would deny a request to nurse. Anyway, I happened to be talking to a lady who is extremely supportive of breastfeeding and had nursed her youngest child for three years. But I think she sensed my discomfort because at one point in our conversation she said, "Soon, you'll be able tell her to wait until later to nurse".

This comment sent my brain into one of its customary tailspins. Had she been trying to suggest that my daughter was too old to be nursing so often? Was she giving me a hint that it was time to start telling her to wait until we get home? Was she just saying what she thought I wanted to hear because I was annoyed with my daughter? Did she think that I was uncomfortable with the idea of nursing her in public? Did she think I was in need of permission to refuse to nurse?

Later I wondered when is the right time to ask a child to wait to nurse. I don't want to refuse my daughter, but sometimes it would be nice to say "Wait until we get in the car" or "Wait until we get home". Again, this is not out of embarrassment but rather convenience. I don't want to have to rearrange my clothing in the middle of the supermarket. Breastfeeding is a two-way relationship that has to work for both mother and child, so I have to get things my way occasionally.

Kellymom says that delaying nursing works for children over the age of 18 months or so. Reading other people's experiences (like Hobo Mama's here), I think it takes many toddlers a bit longer to learn to wait. I don't believe my daughter is ready yet.

So, dear readers, I need your help. What I want to know is whether you ever delayed nursing your child, and at what age you felt they were able to understand that they had to wait a few minutes. Please give me the benefit of your wealth of toddler nursing experience. I'll be so grateful!

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by the end of the day April 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Replace hitting with…? — Acacia at Be Present Mama is at a loss on how to handle her three year old's hitting.
• Two Questions — Alexandra at Breastfeeding Momma would like some ideas on how to strengthen her bond with her 8-month-old daughter; she's also looking for input on an emotional topic: vaccines.
• Balancing Needs When Baby Trumps Mama — Alison at BluebirdMama wonders how her child's need for noise and energy balances out against her need for quiet and space. (@childbearing )
• The McDilemma — Annie at PhD in Parenting is on the arches of a McDilemma. (@phdinparenting)
• Where is the mutually agreeable solution? When parenting calls for blood draws — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick has a child who needs regular blood tests that are torment for him. How does a parent honor a child when his health is on the line? (@RaisingBoychick)
• When To Wait To Nurse — Cave Mother wonders what age toddlers can be asked to wait to nurse.
• I don't love you Mama! — CurlyMonkey wonders what to do with her daughter's intense feelings. (@curlymonkey_)
• Help a Mama Out — Danielle at Born.in.Japan isn't getting much sleep with her cosleeping, night nursing, cranky little guy and hopes you can help with some suggestions for shuteye. (@borninjp)
• Dear Abby: My daughter really misses her Daddy — Darcel at The Mahogany Way needs to know how to help her daddy's girl get the connection with her father she needs — and not feel left out in the process. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• What's Going on at School? — Deb at Science@home is in a quandary: how can she find out what really goes on at school without stepping on the teacher's toes? (@ScienceMum)
• April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Advice — Dionna at Code Name: Mama wants to find volunteer work that includes her toddler. (@CodeNameMama)
• A Beatnik's Beat on Life — Erin at Beatnik Momma does not want to engage in "mommy wars." She'd like your input on how (and how much) to discuss her natural parenting choices with curious friends and family who parent differently. (@babybeatnik)
• Dear Abby — The Grumbles at Grumbles and Grunts gave her son a banana...and no solid food since. What's the next step in baby-led weaning? (@thegrumbles)
• Excuse me, I have a poop question — Jessica at This is Worthwhile has two questions for your consideration. One is about toddler stuttering, the other about toddler tinkling. (@tisworthwhile)
• The Half Empty Nest Syndrome: What to do when Momma gets replaced by a cow? — Joni Rae at Kitchen Witch Momma is suffering from "half-empty nest syndrome": what do you do when your babies start growing up? (@kitchenwitch)
• Peer Pressure — Kate at Momopoly worries what message her daughter's new friend is sending — but how to break up such an infatuation? (@Momopoly)
• When I Fall Down — Katherine at Momioso.com needs your wisdom on how to be more gentle and at peace with herself. (@naturalparent)
• A question of sleep and sanity — KeepingMumSane needs your toddler cosleeping advice in order to, well, keep mum sane! (@keepingmumsane)

• April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice — Lauren at Hobo Mama needs a chiropractor … or help getting her 36 lb toddler to walk up the stairs. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Driver's Ed for Mommies — Maman A Droit is a self-confessed terrible driver and is scared to drive with her baby in the car.
• Solo Parenting — Mammapie at Downside Up and Outside In needs tips for being a single working mother while her partner's away. (@mammapie)
• Itsy Bitsy Biter — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting needs your advice about her daughter, otherwise known as the pitbull.
• How Can I Avoid Beauty Obsession? — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is at a loss ever since her tomboys turned into wannabe princesses. (@bfmom)
• Seeking Stability in Chaos — Michelle at Seeking Mother is in a heart-wrenching position. She needs your input on how to make a toddler feel secure during a time of transition, the illness of a parent, and multiple (new) caregivers. (@Seekingmother)
• Mama, That's Too, Too Boring! — Michelle at The Parent Vortex started out asking how to encourage her preschooler to get dressed — and four days later, she began to without prompting! (@TheParentVortex)
• Parenting Advice for the Girl From Outer Space — Mommy Soup from Cream of Mommy Soup has several questions for you, from how you play favorites when no one's your favorite to how to tell off strangers curious about the ample size of your family. (@mommysoup)
• Diaper Duty Dilemma — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has a simple request: talk to her about cloth! (@babydust)
• What Do You Need My Son — pchanner at A Mom's Fresh Start wishes her calm four-month-old hadn't turned into an inquisitive and dramatic six-month-old. How do you handle changes in baby's personality? (@pchanner)
• Dear Natural Parenting Community — Sarah at OneStarryNight wants to know how to respond to criticism from family and friends over breastfeeding. (@starrymom)
• Natural Parenting Carnival — Help — Sarah at Consider Eden feels like either her to-do list or her parenting is suffering, because she can't do both! (@considereden)
• To potty learn or not to potty learn — that is the question — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes wants to know whether it's time to start potty training. (@sheryljesin)
• Seeking Patience — Starr at Earth Mama looks to the collective tribal wisdom of this community to learn how to teach patience to children.
• A Dirty Girl Comes Clean — Tashmica at Mother Flippin' is struggling. How do parents deal with their inability to keep their children protected from danger? (@Mother_Flippin)
• Uli and the Pussy Cats — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis has a toddler who likes to put kitties in headlocks and ride them like horsies. How best to separate the little beasties?
• Perceptions of Discipline — Zoey at Good Goog doesn't use conventional discipline with her child — and doesn't know how to respond around people who do. (@zoeyspeak)

I Sat By The Canal

It's the nicest day of the year so far. I took my baby to a park and when she wanted feeding I sat on the grass beside the canal and nursed her in my lap. Ducks squabbled in front of us.

It was heaven and I love spring.

Do You Love Co-Sleeping?

If you've been here before, you'll know I don't post product reviews and giveaways and I don't plug other websites just because they have asked me to. But I thought I'd make an exception for a co-sleeping essay competition that I was emailed about. If you love co-sleeping, and you love to tell everyone about it, then this could be for you.

A company called Humanity Organics has compiled a book of parents' positive co-sleeping experiences called Are You Co-Sleeping? Me Too!. They are looking to add a short introduction to each of the book's seven chapters and you, my friends, have the opportunity to write these introductions.

The good news is that if they pick you, you win a co-sleeping aid thingy. (By the way I checked it out, and it is not one of those baby positioner things that actually separate you from your baby. It is essentially a large, thick sheet with a roll of foam attached to one side so you can put it on your bed, lie on it and the foam stops the baby falling out of bed. Actually it looks like quite a good idea, and they are not giving me ANYTHING free to make me say that.)

Essays must be no more than 250 words long and should be on one of the following subjects:

1. Oppression or negativity you received (Mother-in-law, parents, media, doctors, general society).
2. How bed-sharing enriched your parenting experience.
3. How bed-sharing helped breastfeeding (extended duration, adverse physical limitations, etc.).
4. How they got better sleep.
5. A Dad's perspective, written by a Dad.
6. How it saved your child's life.
7. How you intended to use a crib, and chose not to.

The bad news is that you only have until 20th March. But since they only emailed me today, maybe they're short of entries! To enter you just write your essay and submit it here.

I'll take the "How you intended to use a crib and chose not to" one! Best of luck.

Thoughts on Childbirth

I am sitting on front of "One Born Every Minute", a documentary series on childbirth. It's the first time I have seen it and I quite literally cannot watch the babies being born without crying. It was the same when I was pregnant; give me good births, bad births, high definition or grainy Youtube footage and I'll cry. I thought the crying might have stopped since I gave birth myself but it evidently hasn't.

I don't know how some ladies manage to watch birth video after birth video when they are pregnant. For me, they are just too loaded with emotion. Even having been there and done that once, it still scares the hell out of me. And I had a good experience! The day after I gave birth I thought "I want to do that again!", but 18 months later the fear has returned. How much did it hurt me? Did I make as much noise as the ladies on television? Did my labour hurt more or less than theirs? Would things go as well if I did it again? Would I breathe through my contractions more calmly or would I shout the house down all over again?

Television has also provided lots of birth footage via "Lambing Live", a bizarre show in which springy haired wildlife presenter Kate Humble delivers spring lambs live on air (if any sheep are cooperative enough to coincide their labours with the one hour broadcasting slot). What strikes me about this programme is how much the farmers know about natural birth. If things are progressing as normal, they leave the sheep alone to get on with her labour. When the lambs are born they place them in front of the sheep so she can lick them clean. They know how important it is for bonding that the lamb is given to its mum immediately after birth. They quietly watch on to check that suckling takes place soon after birth and they see it as essential that each lamb gets a bellyfull of colostrum before they go to sleep. If a lamb does not suckle spontaneously, they help it to latch on, and if that does not work then they milk the sheep and give the colostrum to her lamb through a feeding tube. Nursing is valued highly because it produces stronger, healthier lambs and is cheaper and less labour intensive than bottle feeding.

All of these practices are equally important in human births. But during the twentieth century we managed to convince ourselves that unnatural practices like keeping babies in hospital nurseries and formula feeding were beneficial. We went so far away from what is natural and instinctive that expensive academic research was required in order to persuade us that skin-to-skin contact is good, and mother's milk is far better than any artificial alternative. What a waste of time and money, when farmers could have set us straight all along!

Now be honest - do you cry at birth videos too? And are you as scared as me?

Photo from Independent.co.uk.

Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing

You can be as convinced of the benefits of natural parenting as you like, but don't you sometimes have moments when you wonder if things really will turn out all right? When little worries about being different start to snowball into bigger worries, and you need a boost to make you feel good about your choices? I just read a book that has given me that shot in the arm I needed. It's called Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing an was written by a lady called Sheila Kippley back in the late 1960s.

I've written before about how I am concerned about my continuing infertility following childbirth. I gave birth 18 months ago and have yet to see the return of my periods. So I went looking for more information on breastfeeding amenorrhea (absence of menstruation) and found this book that was recommended by La Leche League.

The book did not give me any more information on the biological mechanisms that are keeping me in amenorrhea. But what it did brilliantly was reassure me that my experience is completely normal for a mother following the "seven standards of ecological breastfeeding". More than this, it reminded me, on almost every page, that I am doing a good thing by giving my time, my love and my milk without restriction to my daughter.

So what are the seven standards? They are:

1. Breastfeed exclusively for the first six months, giving no water, juice or food;


2. Allow your baby to suckle for comfort as well as nutrition and do not restrict its time at the breast;


3. Don't use bottles or dummies;


4. Sleep with your baby at night;


5. Lie down with your baby to get it to sleep for a nap during the day;


6. Nurse frequently day and night and do not schedule feedings;


7. Avoid separation from your baby.

This programme is 99% effective in avoiding pregnancy for the first six months postpartum. After this, there is a 6% chance that a nursing mother will become pregnant before having a period. When menstruation resumes, infertility may still persist for several months. Most women can expect to go without periods for some time between nine and twenty months postpartum.

The figure of 14.6 months as the average length of amenorrhea originates from this book, and actually refers to mothers who are following the seven standards. The actual time you spend without periods can vary according to your body chemistry, age (older women go longer) and how much your baby likes sucking. I am unintentionally following the seven standards, I am 31 and I have a high needs baby who really likes suckling, so I guess it's no wonder that I'm coming in a little above average.

A thing many natural parenting books suffer from is the need to constantly justify why natural practices are good. Nobody ever questioned Gina Ford as to why it was good for a baby to sleep through the night at 6 weeks, but it seems that extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping need to be explained repeatedly. This book gets around this problem very neatly because it is actually about child spacing. It basically says, "If you want as long as possible without periods, this is what you do. Oh and by the way, this is a really good way to bring up your child." Science justifies the advice, but experience shows that it is a wonderful way to meet a child's emotional and physical needs. A long amenorrhea is clearly nature's way of allowing a woman's body to prepare for the next pregnancy, while giving her child as much time as possible with its mother before it has to compete for attention with the next baby. Evolution has made us this way because it helps us to survive, and this in itself is a good justification for following a natural parenting approach.

The book made me realise how much our attitudes towards natural parenting have changed in 40 years, but also how far we still have to go until these healthy practices are fully accepted by society. Some bits are quite shocking, like doctors advising that babies should be given cereals at two weeks of age, and the author recalling how her breasts were bound tightly after birth. I am glad that breastfeeding in public has become a little more acceptable and that doctors now "allow" us to give birth naturally, but we still have a long way to go in convincing mothers that babies do not need food before six months and that breastfeeding beyond a year is a good idea.

What I did not like about the book was its Catholic undercurrent. I'm not religious and I don't buy a book on breastfeeding in order to be lectured about the evils of contraception. The religious bits could put a lot of people off the book, but I'm glad I read it because I've been walking about on a bit of a cloud of happiness ever since I picked it up. I'm happy because I know I'm not the first person to be totally attached to my baby, to breastfeed her to sleep every day and every night and to want to stay with her all the time. Even if I sometimes have a hard time explaining to other people why I bring up my baby like this, I know that lots of mums have done it before me and raved about it.

Forty years ago, mothers were saying exactly the same things about natural parenting as we are now, and that really comforts me and gives me a stronger conviction that I am doing the right thing after all.

Do you know what I mean about needing a boost every so often to convince you that you're doing the best for your child? Can you recommend a book that gave you the shot in the arm that you needed? Have you experienced a long amenorrhea? All comments gratefully received!

Dolphins Nurse and Carry Their Babies, Just Like Us

Dolphins are incredible, intelligent animals - more intelligent than chimpanzees, according to some scientists. They are also mammals, which means they must give birth to immature, helpless calves and nurse them until they can fend for themselves. The mammals of the sea might seem very different from us, but the differences are not so huge when you look closely at the ways they look after their young.

A few weeks ago I wrote about dolphins' births, and how they are sometimes attended and assisted by close relatives of the mother. In this post I am looking at how dolphins nurse and carry their young.

Dolphins breastfeed their babies for around two to three years. The mother usually weans her calf when she is pregnant with a subsequent baby, but a calf has been observed nursing up to the age of ten. Like other intelligent mammals, the mother-baby bond seems to be very important and mothers only leave their calves when they need to find food. Even when they are apart, they use sound and echo-location to remain in touch.

Dolphins do not have protruding mammary glands like primates, but evolution has found a way for them to breastfeed and remain streamlined in the water. The mother's nipples are hidden within slits on her belly. A baby dolphin must locate the nipples and latch on with its mouth, forming a tight seal that prevents any salt water from mixing with the milk. Dolphins obviously need to go to the surface to breathe, so a mother helps her newborn baby by lying on her side near the surface so that the calf can feed safely, close to an air supply. As the calf gets older, it is able to find the nipple without such assistance.

The act of releasing the milk, which we call let-down in humans, is under the voluntary control of the mother dolphin. The milk is richer and fattier then human milk, meaning that dolphin calves do not need to spend as much time feeding as human babies. Newborn calves feed around four times per hour but each session lasts for a matter of seconds rather than minutes.

Infant carrying is seen in all land-dwelling primates, and ocean-dwelling manatees and sea-otters also physically carry their young in the water. So it is no surprise that dolphins have evolved a method of "carrying" their offspring. When the babies are very young, the mother-calf pairs swim in "echelon" position with the young dolphin by its mother's side. It is thought that the flow of water around the pair's body creates pressure that keeps the infant close to its mother and helps to propel it along in the water. Older calves swim in "infant" position below their mothers where they have better access to the nipples and are possibly given more protection from predators.



I think it's astounding how many similarities there are between the ways dolphins care for their young and what we humans do. As I wrote last time, we both have assistants attending childbirth (at least some of the time) and, if we are behaving as biology intends, we nurse our babies for similar lengths of time. For the majority of the global population, baby carrying is the normal method to transport a human infant. And though they do not have arms and legs, dolphins also have a way to carry their young. Most importantly, we both form close mother-infant bonds that last many years before a youngster is ready to leave the care of its immediate family.

Although we walk on land and dolphins swim in the sea, there are clearly many behaviours that bind us together.

With Nipples Aflame

Have your nipples ever turned blue? Have they ever felt like they were burning from within? Have you ever had such intense nipple pain that you were unable to concentrate on anything except crossing your arms over your breasts to protect them?

Have you heard of Raynaud's phenomenon?

I suffered from Raynaud's for years, without realising what it was. I can recall one occasion when I was standing in London waiting for a coach, feverish with the start of flu and with nipples that burned so intensely that all I could do was walk round and round in circles with my arms wrapped around my chest to distract myself from the pain.

It's caused by cold, you see. Many are the times I have been found kneeling on the floor with my chest pressed up to a radiator in an effort to warm my breasts up and stop my nipples from screaming at me. I remember my grandad showing me his white, bloodless fingers when he went out in the cold, and that was also Raynaud's.

The Wikipedia entry for Raynaud's phenomenon says that it can cause discolouration of the "fingers, toes and other extremities". I guess my nipples come under "other extremities". It is caused by constriction of the blood vessels delivering oxygen to the affected part, and can be triggered by stress, cold and... you guessed it... breastfeeding. If you're sensitive to strange images of nipples, then look away now. But here, courtesy of Better Health's Weird Medical Problem of the Week, comes a picture of the bizarre colour changes that occur when a nipple undergoes an attack of Reynaud's:



If you're wondering, that's white, then cold, cold blue, then finally red as the blood flow returns to the nipple.

It seems that some women experience Raynaud's during and/or after breastfeeding. It can be confused with the pain caused by a poor latch, so may often go undiagnosed. I have been one of the lucky ones; I have not experienced the condition since giving birth, though it had worsened during my pregnancy. It could be that childbirth and breastfeeding have cured it, or it could return in the future. Maybe I'm not suffering because we are heating the house more generously than we did pre-baby.

Raynaud's probably affects loads of people, but it is not serious enough to warrant investigation or treatment and hence it remains fairly unknown. Medications to relieve it are available, but knowing what causes it and avoiding the triggers are probably the most sensible courses of action.

Has your breastfeeding been affected by any bizarre disorders? I hope not, but leave a comment if it has! And if you've not experienced Raynaud's, I hope you enjoyed the picture anyway!

Toddler Nursing Guest Post At Hobo Mama

My first ever guest post is now up at Hobo Mama's blog. It's about toddler nursing and it's called It's Not About The Milk. If you've ever nursed a toddler, you'll know exactly what I mean. Please read it!

Missing: Period

If you're looking for a discussion on the finer points of sentence completion, you're going to be disappointed. No, I'm talking about that icky subject that we don't always like to discuss in polite company: menstruation.

The thing is, I just can't help wondering when my periods are going to start again. I have had none since I gave birth sixteen and a half months ago, apart from a couple of tiny, tiny bleeds (too small to even rank as "spotting") that occurred a couple of months ago.

Don't get me wrong - I am enjoying the break from the monthly bleeding. It's a great side effect of breastfeeding. But I am also starting to get a little anxious for them to return, just to give me a sign that my body is all back to normal, working properly and ready to make another baby if and when I want to.

Maybe that's the thing - my body isn't ready to make another baby. I tend to think that the human body is a lot cleverer than we think it is, and that the delayed return of menstruation is precisely to prevent us from creating another life that we are not ready to support. Things have undoubtedly been tough since Cave Baby was born. I have missed out on a lot of sleep, I have been stressed, anxious and jumpy and I have rarely been able to physically rest my body. She is, in most respects, a "high needs" child. And at the end of last year I was ill to the extent that my GP thought I might have cancer (which I don't have, I don't think. At least not in my colon. Don't worry about this admission). So is my body perhaps withholding my periods to give me time to recover?

But on the other hand, I seem to be generally healthy. I am sleeping better now, I am always well nourished and I get plenty of gentle exercise each day. I don't smoke and I drink a little wine. Before getting pregnant I always had regular periods - not exactly every 28 days, but never with a gap of more than five weeks between them. Since I have never suffered from bad PMS or period pains, I don't dread the return of menstruation like some women do.

On average, a night-and-day on-demand breastfeeding mother's periods return at 14.6 months. That makes me two months longer than average already. I'm really interested in any other mothers' experiences, and particularly whether you think that your body delayed menstruation longer as a result of your child being a lot of work. Should I just trust that my body knows what it's doing? Should I put it down to co-sleeping and frequent breastfeeding? Should I just enjoy the time off periods?

A Mother's Christmas

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers! December's carnival is all about keeping healthy during the festive period and there are (or shortly will be) links to the other wonderful posts at the bottom of this one. Enjoy reading them, and have a lovely Christmas time.

Christmas is a time for families to be together. We have always made an effort to spend time with our parents, brothers and sisters at Christmas, even if it meant that by the end of the holidays we were more exhausted than at the beginning.

Things were no different last year. I had a four month old baby, breastfeeding most of the time and waking me up at least every couple of hours through the night (in fact every hour is probably more accurate). But in those early days of motherhood I still believed that I should be trying to have it all. Yes, I should be taking it easy and spending lots of time nursing my baby, but I should also be cooking fantastic Christmas meals, hosting family at my house, making mince pies, buying gifts for everyone and generally being the life and soul of the party. So, as usual, we arranged a punishing Christmas schedule that would allow us to be all things to all men, as is expected at Christmas. We spent the big day and Boxing Day with my parents, then Cave Father's parents arrived to stay at our house; on the 28th we hosted a party for all the family, and the following days we continued to wait on our house guests.

It was about as far from "fun and relaxing" as you can get. We ended up absolutely exhausted, and Christmas felt more like an ordeal than a pleasure. Instead of enjoying ourselves, we longed for the time when our parents would go home and we could spend some time alone with our baby.

So we are determined that things will be different this year. But if we believe that Christmas is a family time, how can we balance our needs with the needs of our relatives?

Family means more than grandparents, aunts and uncles. Though it sounds strange to my ears, my partner, my daughter and I are a family unit now. Our family bonds needs nourishing, just like the bonds with our extended family. It is too much to expect a new mother to play host to her relatives as well as breastfeeding and caring for a baby. That is just a recipe for illness. So this year we are going to concentrate on nourishing the relationships within our tiny family. We are going to spend Christmas Day at home, cooking a small but (hopefully) perfectly formed Christmas dinner and going a bracing walk with Cave Baby in the backpack. We are going to visit my parents, but not push ourselves too hard by staying the night. We are going to see Cave Father's relatives at New Year, when there is less pressure to conjure up forced Christmas cheer. Above all we are going to put ourselves first for a change - not in a selfish way, but in a "we really just need a break" way. And we are even hoping that (whisper it) Cave Father and I might be able to have sex! Just think of it! After weeks of illness, colds, teething and worry, there has been precious little romance around here.

So here is my recipe for a new mother's healthy Christmas time. See your family, but let them do the cooking. Have guests, but only the ones who will help out around the house and won't complain about you sitting on the sofa breastfeeding all day. Space out the festive activities with luxurious time at home spent enjoying the family that you work so hard for all year.

Most importantly, make sure you make time for your baby and your partner, because the closest bonds are sometimes the ones that get forgotten at this family time.

Happy Christmas.

Photo from Daily Mail.

And while you're here, why not have a look at the other carnival posts:

Mama Knows Breast: A Breastfeeding Poem: Twas the Breastfeeder's Nighttime
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Don't Forget the Pump!
Blisstree.com's Breastfeeding 1-2-3: Breastfeeding and Dehydration
Accidental Pharmacist: Motherhood Statement
Hobo Mama: Breastfeeding and the holidays: How to take care of yourself
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: Taking Care of Yourself and Your Baby During the Holidays
Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Caring for a High Needs Baby During the Holidays
Breastfeeding Mums: Looking After Yourself During the Holidays: 7 Tips for Breastfeeding Mothers
Mommy News & Views: The Holidays And Being A Breastfeeding Mom
Happy Bambino's Blog: How to Take Care of Ourselves During the Holidays
The Adventures of Lactating Girl: Breastfeeding and Holidays

What Happened To My Breasts?

Things are confusing around here. There is Christmas, and a tree, and shiny decorations, mince pies and mulled wine. There is also the prospect of a life affected by Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis. These two things do not go together, and my brain is struggling to cope. So I will use that time-honoured technique to cope with something that upsets me: talk about something else.

So, in other news, something strange has happened to my breasts. They used to be round, fleshy, not quite the same size, a bit saggy, but perfectly serviceable. You know, I had no complaints. Then pregnancy happened and they got bigger, but not stupidly big, and that was interesting. They got a bit smaller as I lost weight post-pregnancy but I am still breastfeeding so they have maintained a certain modest size. And I was pretty happy that my body had been through all that with nary a stretch mark in sight.. but then, the other day, I noticed something a bit disturbing. You see, my boobs might look fine most of the time but the skin has lost a certain elasticity. Remember the "pinch the back of the hand" test you used to do at school to see how youthful your skin was? Well my boobs would now fail. What happens is, if the skin stretches a bit (say, I lie down to feed my daughter and I let my boob flop down towards the bed) and then unstretches (say, I put the breast back in my bra) then the skin does not spring back to its previous state. No, it goes wrinkly. For a few minutes I have crepe paper cleavage. It's not a good look.

But come on, this is me writing. I'm not going to complain about the loss of my youthful skin stretchiness. I'm going to celebrate the work that my body has done, and will hopefully continue to do for more babies (just like these women). And apart from this unfortunate development, my body seems to have come through pregnancy and birth pretty unscathed.

Is it rude to ask whether your boobs are wrinkly as well? Hey, it probably is, but this is my blog and I can write what I like. So, go on, tell me what lasting effects of pregnancy and birth your body has sustained.

Thoughts On Weaning

In my last post I discussed how upset I was when my doctor told me I might have to wean my fifteen month old baby to allow me to take medication. One thing that really came through to me from the comments was the wide range of emotions that people have in relation to weaning.

Some comments implied that I would feel guilty about weaning; others simply that I would be sad. In reality, my anxiety stems from the prospect of changing the whole manner in which we look after our daughter: weaning would mean changing the way we sleep; the way we achieve calm after upsets; even the way we chill out when both of us need a little break.

For me, guilt doesn't come into it. I know my daughter has had a great start, and I know that she could manage perfectly well without any more breastmilk. I really hope that other people are not made to feel guilty when they wean. I believe that babies deserve to be nursed for as long as their mothers can manage, and after that they should be weaned with love and patience. For many people, modern life just isn't compatible with long term breastfeeding. Sometimes you just have to wean. Maybe you're going back to work, going on to medication or having another baby. Maybe you just want your breasts back. If it's a good enough reason to wean then you shouldn't be feeling guilty. Let's face it, if you choose to wean off the breast at six months, your baby will have been receiving breastmilk for longer than 97% of the babies born in Britain. You can't feel too bad about that.

Though I wouldn't feel guilty about weaning at fifteen months, I can't say that I feel a great sense of pride for making it this far. I have had it so ridiculously easy. It is the people who have battled cracked nipples, thrush, mastitis and pumping regimes that should feel proud - I just happen to have a baby who loves breastfeeding. I feel a bit uncomfortable when people congratulate me for nursing for this long. I've not done anything special. All I have done is what nearly every mother in the history of mankind has done.

Before I finish, there's just one caveat I have to put on this "Weaning is OK" message. I have never understood why breastfeeding mothers feel the need to replace their milk with formula at a certain age (often six months). They don't wean their babies off milk per se, but for some reason they think that their babies are too old to breastfeed. I watched several people with babies the same age as mine go through this, and I never figured out why they did it. Why spend money on powdered milk when the stuff that comes free out of your breasts is much better? Well OK, I think I know the reason really - they have read too many books that say you need to get babies off the breast early before they get used to it. God, don't you just hate western parenting "experts"?

All this is academic, because we are not weaning. But I would hate anyone to think that I disapprove of other people's decisions to wean, just because we have chosen to continue breastfeeding for an extended (or shall we say natural) length of time.

I Never Knew What Nursing Meant To Me...

...until I was told, today, that I might have to wean my baby.

It turns out that the digestive problems I have been having are something more serious than Irritable Bowel Syndrome after all, and a series of unpleasant tests and investigations will shortly be inflicted upon me to determine what is really the problem.

"If it is Inflammatory Bowel Disease, what's the treatment?," I asked.

"Well you can take medication, but you would have to stop the breastfeeding."

Oh thanks. To make matters worse, if they could be (and believe me, they could be really bad), I was then told that I was "making a rod for my own back" by co-sleeping and still breastfeeding at 15 months. Oh, the old classic line. First time anyone's actually said it to me - I suppose it had to happen sometime.

I know I should have been upset by the diagnosis (or lack of it) but what really cut me to the core was the prospect of having to wean my baby for a disease that doesn't even seem to affect me more than once a month or so (touch wood). This was what had me crying all day. I can't do that to my baby. It's just not what I want. I suppose I have got so used to the idea that we will be nursing for years yet and that I might even be tandem nursing a new baby one day. It all came crashing down in one horrible moment.

But since I have trained as a Breastfeeding Peer Supporter I have learnt a thing or two about breastfeeding and one thing I know is that lots of medications that doctors say can't be taken during breastfeeding actually can be taken. A cursory bit of internet research has revealed that sufferers of Crohn's disease and Ulcerative Colitis can have babies and can breastfeed, even when taking their medications (by the way, if you're reading this for information, please don't take what I'm saying as gospel. Research it further and if possible, ask a Lactation Consultant for advice).

What a fucking horrible day. All I can say is, at least I'm going to be able to sleep knowing that I probably won't have to wean. I say probably.

Bent Over the Cot With My Boob Hanging Out

Yes, this is indeed how I spend a few uncomfortable moments each evening as I put my little darling to bed. You see I always try to get her to sleep in her cot for a while each evening - at least long enough that Cave Father and I can have a few minutes together downstairs and a cuddle in bed before we move the baby through to join us.

But putting my baby to bed on her own is always a huge lottery. She has never been easy to put down and lately she has been even more difficult. I nurse her to sleep in a ring sling, wait half an hour, walk upstairs and lay her down in her cot, at which point she inevitably wakes up, shouts something incoherent (when does she shout anything coherent anyway?) and shakes her head violently from side to side as the realisation dawns that there is no nipple in her mouth. This is when I have to bend at 90 degrees over the cot and dangle my breast into her mouth for anywhere from one to 10 minutes, until she is deeply enough asleep for me to leave her again. It is most unbecoming, especially as I always leave the curtains open (drawing them would create a dangerously loud noise and I like the gentle light of the streetlamp outside). I do wonder how many people have watched me in my ridiculous pose and have puzzled over what the hell I was doing.

Before you rush in with "Why don't you teach her to go to sleep on her own" comments, don't even bother going there. Cave Baby is not a going-to-sleep-on-her-own type of child. She doesn't really stay still unless she is physically restrained (which is why a sling works so well). She cries, very loudly and very longly (you know what I mean) at anything that she doesn't like. She would not drop off to sleep on her own without a huge amount of crying, and that is not something I am going to inflict on her. So let's leave it at that.

So until I give in and resign myself to nursing her to sleep in our super-kingsize bed right from the off, I am going to have to perform this ridiculous display of contortionism every night. Ho hum. Do you do anything really stupid to pander to your children?

Nursing Wisdom

Welcome to the October Carnival of Breastfeeding! This month's theme is "What I Wish I Had Known..." and links to all the other posts in the carnival will appear below during the day. Enjoy reading them all.

There are two pieces of advice that would have totally changed the uncertain scary, sleep deprived early days with my daughter. They are simple tips yet I never read them in a book until I was given a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, eight months into my mothering adventures. So many mums I have talked to have agreed how useful these pieces of wisdom have been to them - in fact I have often wondered why they are not more widely advised. So, without further ado, here they are.

First: the best way to get your baby to nap and to get some sleep yourself is to lie down beside it, nurse it to sleep and allow yourself to rest with it until it wakes. This is so obvious, yet most of us believe we "should" put the baby down in a basket or crib and sleep on our own somewhere else. Every book advises new mothers to sleep when their babies sleep, but if you are breastfeeding in a chair and your baby nods off in your lap, what are you supposed to do? So, to any new mothers out there who are reading this: feel no guilt about cuddling up in bed with your little one for a gorgeous nap. Treasure every moment you get to spend in such a lovely yummy way. And get someone else to do the housework. (Even daytime naps like this count as co-sleeping, and as such, should be done safely. Though, it must be said, it is safer to intentionally co-sleep with your little one in a bed than to drop off on a sofa with the baby on your knee).

Secondly: get a sling that you can breastfeed in. Seriously, this changed my life. A sling is such a warm, cosy place for a baby to be, and when you add the comfort of suckling it becomes almost impossible for a baby not to settle down and sleep. What is so great about nursing a baby to sleep in a sling is that it untethers you from the sofa: whether the baby is awake, asleep or in the process of dropping off, you can wander about the house, go outside, use a computer or do whatever else that appeals. The sling also provides a familiar environment for the baby wherever you happen to be, so it will fall asleep more easily in strange surroundings. What is perhaps most useful for parents of spirited, high needs babies is the fact that it is easier to put a baby down without waking it when it is in a sling than when it is just being carried. And if you do manage to put your sleeping baby down, you can enjoy some precious moments of me-time because you should be able to slide your body out from within the sling without disturbing the baby. I found my ring sling incredibly useful for this and I still use it nowadays to hip-carry my 13 month old daughter. I am sure a stretchy wrap would be equally as good.

The fact that these simple tips, that can make such a difference, are omitted from standard childcare manuals amazes me. I think it owes a lot to our society's irrational fear of letting our babies control us that we are afraid to do such natural things as napping with our babies or carrying them around. So, without wishing to become some kind of annoying advice-giving know-it-all, I spread the word whenever I can (and almost always find someone who completely agrees with me, and, like me, can't understand why we all had to learn these things the hard way). May you, dear reader, have many happy and restful days with your baby.

Fancy Pancakes: Wish I'd Heard More Good Things
The Milk Mama: When breastfeeding begins badly, and what I should have done about it
Hobo Mama: What I wish I'd known when I started breastfeeding
My World Edenwild: What I Wish I'd Known Then: A Poem
Happy Bambino: I wish I had known then…that it wasn’t up to me alone
Three Girl Pile-Up: 4 things I wish I’d known about breastfeeding
Birth Activist: What I Wish I Would Have Known About Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding Moms Unite!: You Don't Have to Grin and Bear It
Momma's Angel: What I Wish I’d Known Then – My List For Next Time
The Starr Family Blogg: I Wish I Would Have Known
Whozat: If I'd Known Then
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: What I wish I’d known back then about breastfeeding
Fighting Frumpy: When Breastfeeding Feels Wrong
Breastfeeding Mums: 15 Breastfeeding Facts I Wish I'd Known as a First Time Breastfeeding Mum
Mum Unplugged: What I Wish I'd Known Then
Blacktating: Breastfeeding is life changing
Breastfeeding 1-2-3: Trust Yourself and Your Body

Time, Or Lack Of It

Gosh, I don't know how all these so-called mummy bloggers find the time to post several times a week, especially those with more than one child. As Cave Baby gets older (13 months and counting) things don't feel like they are getting any easier, and my free time seems to be in shorter and shorter supply. Her naps get ever shorter and her night-time sleep shows no sign of improving. When she is awake she wants to practice walking ALL THE TIME. I can forget about doing anything on the computer when she is around unless I want more of the keys to break following one of her keyboard mashing sessions (only the equals has succumbed so far). And what with my "other projects", not least the preparation for imminent bathroom refurbishment, this blog has been way down my order of priorities.

But in lieu of a proper post, may I encourage you to click on The Feminist Breeders article on breast vs formula. It is just the kind of rant I would be too scared to write. She is a brave blogger with real integrity.